Orbis non sufficit
Monday, December 29, 2003
Order is good...
I seem to have this annoying desire for things to go smoothly. It may not sound that annoying to most people, but see the thing is it means that it really bugs me when things don't go smoothly. Only certain things though... I dunno, possibly things where I feel I owe someone something. Now that I think about it I don't seem to care so much if I don't feel like it's messing with someone whom I owe something to.
Like today at work for example. I was discussing with the manager the possibilty of me not working late for a while coz my dad is going away for about 10 days and I won't be able to get a lift. He seemed ok with it at first, but when I detailed exactly how early I was saying I'd have to finish by and how often he basically said "thats no good" since he said they probably wouldn't have hired me on that availability. It's not that big a deal, it just means I'm going to have to ride to work occassionally for the next 10 days -I suppose its good exercise- but something about it keeps bugging me. Maybe it's because I feel like I owe the manager something for hiring me and don't want him to feel like he made a mistake by doing that. I don't like to punish good deeds. Whatever it is, I find it very annoying that it keeps bugging me. Stuff like that bugs me on occasion. Not very often, but just often enough so that I know I get bugged by that stuff. I would greatly appreciate it if I was not bugged by stuff like this, it's very distracting. Especially when I can't think of a very good reason for it. I know I'm just going to tell him tommorow that I have a bike and can ride to work and that he can consider my availabilty unchanged, and that that will be perfectly fine and dandy and I'll go on my merry way, yet I am still bugged. Grr. Go away bugged feeling.
Perhaps I am just feeling the power he has over whether I work there or not. As much as I dislike working a job is a good thing to have, and I doubt I'll find a casual unskilled job like this that i'll enjoy more. And since my contract only goes until february perhaps I am just bugged about making a bad impression and not getting re-hired. I know I shouldn't take it personally, since the chances are that I won't get rehired simply because they won't need many more permentant staff, if any more at all.
It still bugs me though.
Its the kind of bugging feeling that makes me want to grab a sword and a bow and arrow and head out into the wilderness, the bugging feeling that makes me feel like I should be doing something cooler than this and not worrying about insignificant things. I obviously need to discipline my spirit better.
I thought I'd add that there is something I find immensely satisfying about holding a sword. I don't know what it is, or why I feel like that, but I think it's part of the reason I want to learn kendo so bad.
I seem to have this annoying desire for things to go smoothly. It may not sound that annoying to most people, but see the thing is it means that it really bugs me when things don't go smoothly. Only certain things though... I dunno, possibly things where I feel I owe someone something. Now that I think about it I don't seem to care so much if I don't feel like it's messing with someone whom I owe something to.
Like today at work for example. I was discussing with the manager the possibilty of me not working late for a while coz my dad is going away for about 10 days and I won't be able to get a lift. He seemed ok with it at first, but when I detailed exactly how early I was saying I'd have to finish by and how often he basically said "thats no good" since he said they probably wouldn't have hired me on that availability. It's not that big a deal, it just means I'm going to have to ride to work occassionally for the next 10 days -I suppose its good exercise- but something about it keeps bugging me. Maybe it's because I feel like I owe the manager something for hiring me and don't want him to feel like he made a mistake by doing that. I don't like to punish good deeds. Whatever it is, I find it very annoying that it keeps bugging me. Stuff like that bugs me on occasion. Not very often, but just often enough so that I know I get bugged by that stuff. I would greatly appreciate it if I was not bugged by stuff like this, it's very distracting. Especially when I can't think of a very good reason for it. I know I'm just going to tell him tommorow that I have a bike and can ride to work and that he can consider my availabilty unchanged, and that that will be perfectly fine and dandy and I'll go on my merry way, yet I am still bugged. Grr. Go away bugged feeling.
Perhaps I am just feeling the power he has over whether I work there or not. As much as I dislike working a job is a good thing to have, and I doubt I'll find a casual unskilled job like this that i'll enjoy more. And since my contract only goes until february perhaps I am just bugged about making a bad impression and not getting re-hired. I know I shouldn't take it personally, since the chances are that I won't get rehired simply because they won't need many more permentant staff, if any more at all.
It still bugs me though.
Its the kind of bugging feeling that makes me want to grab a sword and a bow and arrow and head out into the wilderness, the bugging feeling that makes me feel like I should be doing something cooler than this and not worrying about insignificant things. I obviously need to discipline my spirit better.
I thought I'd add that there is something I find immensely satisfying about holding a sword. I don't know what it is, or why I feel like that, but I think it's part of the reason I want to learn kendo so bad.
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